I can almost...

relate to this poor pig. Not in size (yet), but in the humiliation of passing out and people fucking with you.

Something horrible like this, happened to me last summer. Some massive queens friends were over at my house and we were beyond wasted. I'm talking Elizabeth Taylor/Cindy McCain wasted, totally fucked.

Well, apparently I blacked out and decided to do a few laps in the pool. A perfect time for a swim. Anyway, I finally came to sometime in the middle of the night, covered in candy wrappers and with a massive hangover.

The next morning, both of my "friends" had shit eating grins. After a few Xanax, they admitted to violating the "sanctity" of my body while putting me to bed.

Apparently, they'd done a close "inspection" of my lady parts while I was blacked out/time traveling. I told them my pussy was fucked up, but they just didn't take my word for it. They've been in counseling ever since. Fucking bitches.

For Matt & Shane